


His Comfort

by LynFraser09



Series: Nightmares [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 16:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6336973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynFraser09/pseuds/LynFraser09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the memories of the Time War plague the Doctor's dreams, his Rose is there to comfort him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Comfort

**Author's Note:**

> The third story in the 'Nightmare' series. All works are unconnected and can be read as a standalone piece.

Rose wasn't sure what kept her awake that night. She was tired when she went to bed and as close as she came to falling asleep, something kept nudging her awake. 

 

After a few hours of tossing and turning and groaning helplessly into her pillow she decided to get up and find the Doctor. 

 

Perhaps if she had been more awake she might have noticed that the TARDIS was more quiet than usual. 

 

Instead she just wandered sleepily through the dimmed hallways, occasionally stifling a yawn. 

 

The first place she checked was the TARDIS console room. More often than not the Doctor was found inside  doing something he insisted was "fixing" her but usually ended up making the time machine fritz out the next day. 

 

That was when she finally began to notice that something was off. The room, whether the Doctor was in it or not, was always bright and lively filled with the soft hum of the TARDIS herself. 

 

Now the room was dim, the only light coming from the console itself, casting a eery blue glow on the walls and floor. Even the hum was low and Rose thought it sounded almost sad. 

 

She frowned and backed out of the room, heading to the next likely place he'd be. 

 

She found her way through the winding hallways with ease until she reached the library. 

 

She often found him inside, reading whatever peaked his interest for the night and no matter what it was, whether she understood it or not, she loved to curl up next to him and listen to him read aloud. 

 

She knew he didn't mind speaking for hours at a time and more often than not she would fall asleep to the sound of his voice, her head on his lap, or on his shoulder.

 

She was a little dismayed to find the room just as empty and dark as the console room. There were a few books piled up and thrown haphazardly on the table next to one of the couches but they could have been there for days or weeks and gave no indication if he had been there that night. 

 

Pushing back the rising feeling of worry, Rose continued to wander around the TARDIS. If there was one thing she knew about the Doctor it was that once he got it in his head to do something he was going to do it and with the amount of random thoughts that ran through his head on a daily basis he could have been doing anything in any room on his expansive ship. 

 

Though a little uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach was telling her otherwise. 

 

She checked the kitchen, the observatory, the wardrobe, and even the swimming pool - there was still no sign of him. 

 

One last thought occurred to her and that was that he had landed somewhere and ventured out. It was not something he did very often because he didn't like to be alone on his travels but if he got bored enough he'd pop out for a quick stroll somewhere while she slept. 

 

Then she remembered that though the TARDIS was quieter than usual the time rotors were still moving when she went in the console room. They were still drifting which meant he was still on board...and now she was beginning to worry. 

 

After taking a moment to think she finally realized she had one last room to check. 

 

His bedroom. 

 

She knew he didn't use it very often and she had only been to see it once or twice. 

 

She knew he kept it in a separate wing from hers and from her current location she couldn't quite remember where it was. She debated on which way to turn when a low sound broke through the silence  - a sound that made her stomach drop. 

 

It was faint but unmistakable and she immediately ran in the direction of the source. 

 

Her heart pounding in her chest, she found herself running through the winding hallways with no idea truly of where she was going. 

 

And then she heard it again - louder this time. 

 

She was once again moving in the direction of the sound and it kept growing louder, leading her to the room she was looking for. 

 

"Doctor?" She called out in worry as she stood outside his door and heard nothing but his pained cries emitting from the other side. 

 

Without another thought she tried the door only to find it locked and she frowned heavily. "Doctor!" She called out, louder this time and then knocked on the door. 

 

Again there was no lively response from the Time Lord and Rose began to panic. He didn't think he'd be one to lock his door - after all the only one on the TARDIS was her and she couldn't imagine he'd want to keep her out.

 

Not to mention the sounds that were coming from him - he sounded in pain, or terrified, or both and it terrified her that she didn't know why. 

 

"Doctor!" She cried again, her voice squeaking in her panic and pressed herself up against the door as if that would help her get to him. 

 

Then a thought occurred to her. The TARDIS was acting strange, her lights dimmed, the unusual silence...the ship sensed her Doctor's pain and was trying to protect him. 

 

Gently she started to caress the door and closed her eyes, speaking quietly, pleadingly to the sentient ship. "Please...let me in. I can help him, please..." 

 

She kept on stroking the door as her other hand found the door knob, waiting. Then after a few more dreadful seconds, Rose felt the doorknob click underneath her hand and heaved a momentary sigh of relief. 

 

She silently thanked the ship before she was back to worrying about the Doctor and pushed the door open. 

 

The room was pitch black except for the light that flooded in through the now open door and casted a spotlight onto the bed. 

 

Rose's heart leapt into her throat at the sight in front of her. 

 

The Doctor was curled up on his bed, his knees pressed to his chest, his arms came up to rest over his head as if trying to block out the sound, his body quivered violently and he was muttering something in a language she didn't understand accompanied by the occasional cry of pain. 

 

For a moment Rose wasn't sure what to do. She had never seen him like that before. She had seen him dark and lost when they were in Van Statten's museum and he first encountered that dalek. She had seen him unconscious and helpless right after he regenerated but this was different. He wasn't sick, or shaken - he was in pain.

 

Then her desire to help him overcame her momentary panic and she rushed to his bedside. 

 

Once there she hesitated again, unsure of what he'd do if she were to suddenly wake him. 

 

Slowly, she reached out and placed a gentle hand on his shaking shoulder, calling out to him softly. 

 

At her touch, he instantly stilled - his body stopped shaking and his muttering stopped. 

 

Rose held her breath waiting to see what he'd do. His actions were unpredictable when he was awake she couldn't imagine what he'd do asleep. 

 

A gasp rose in her throat as his eyes suddenly snapped open and he propelled himself up, twisting his body to face her and grabbing a hold of her upper arms, his dark brown eyes flaring with a fear and rage she had never seen directed at her. 

 

Her own eyes were wide as she stared back silently back at him, her hands hovering hesitantly over his. 

 

His shoulders heaved up and down with his chest and then little by little, his expression began to change as he realized who he was looking at. 

 

The rage melted away and his grip loosened on her as he looked over her face. "R-Rose?" His voice was low and weak. 

 

She offered him a small but genuine and comforting smile, her hands finally coming to rest over his and gripping them gently. "Yeah, Doctor it's me." 

 

She slipped her fingers in the spaces between his, curling her pinky under his hand and began to gently caress his palms. 

 

He was looking at her like he almost couldn't believe she was there and his hands slowly moved up her arms and then gave a gentle squeeze.

 

"Rose." He breathed in such a sweet relief it made her heart skip a beat and then he was pulling her toward him and crushing her against his chest, his arms winding around her and holding onto her like a lifeline. 

 

It only took a second for her to get over her shock and then she slid her arms around him and held him just as tightly. His hair tickled her neck as he buried his face in her shoulder and his fingers gripped the back of her nightshirt. 

 

Rose held him tighter at his actions. She couldn't remember the last time he had hugged her like this, she couldn't remember a time he seemed this upset and it caused an aching in her heart. 

 

"It's alright." She whispered soothingly against his ear. "You're alright...it was just a nightmare..." 

 

At her words, his body tensed up again and a second later his grip loosened on her and he was pulling away from her. 

 

She looked at him in concern but he was staring distantly over her shoulder. "No." He whispered, his voice dead and his eyes darkened with a pain she had never seen. "It wasn't." He swallowed thickly, trying to push back any emotion that was building. 

 

Her brow furrowed in questioning concern and she rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. "What do you mean?" 

 

"It was a memory." Finally that emotion he was trying to hold back slipped into his voice in a crack and she frowned heavily. 

 

The thought of any memory plaguing him that much....

 

Her heart sunk into her stomach as she finally realized what memory could make him react like that and she stepped in closer to him, her hand continuing to rub his shoulder. "Do you...want to talk about it?" 

 

He grimaced and gave the slightest shake of his head and she nodded, biting her lip softly. 

 

She played with the edges of his collar for a few moments of silence and then asked hesitantly, "Do you want to be alone?" 

 

The last thing she wanted to do was leave him alone but she knew when it came to the Time War he became very closed off and preferred to be by himself. 

 

His eyes finally flickered over and locked onto hers and if they weren't so close she might have missed the ever so slight softening of his gaze as he shook his head again. 

 

Her lips twitched slightly upward and she looked down to his bed. She gave his shoulder a gentle squeeze and then released it and crawled up onto his bed, resting back against the headboard. 

 

She held her arms out for him and beckoned him to her with a soft, "Come here." 

 

To her surprise he didn't even hesitate in moving to her side and she instantly entwined her arm through his, guiding him to rest against her. 

 

Silently, he rested his head on her shoulder and she moved her free hand to his head and started to run her fingers through his hair. Almost instantly there was slight release of tension in his body and he let out a long, slow breath, his head instinctively curling towards the source of comfort. 

 

Rose wished she could do more for him. Even with her comforting he was still so obviously suffering and she hated to see him like this. 

 

She knew the guilt was something that ate at him every day and their travels were a mere distraction. Most days he was all smiles and laughter, allowing himself to enjoy her company but there were times when she'd catch him at a low. Where he'd stare off distantly, his face cold and sad, eyes full of pain and before she had the chance to ask him about it he'd snap back into the happy Doctor. 

 

She longed to reach out and comfort him every time she caught him like that but he always insisted he was fine. It was a rare moment when he would let his facade down enough to talk to her and let her comfort him. 

 

It was so rare that she was always caught off guard when it happened and felt at a loss  for what to do. Her first instinct was to hold him and never let him go, letting him know that she was there and she always would be but she often wondered if that was enough. 

 

He was significantly calmer than he had been before as he sat beside her but still far too quiet. If there was one thing this Doctor knew how to do it was talk and to hear him not making a sound was unsettling. 

 

They could have been sitting there for hours, time seemed to be lost among them.

 

Then finally, the Doctor spoke, his voice low and devoid of any emotion. "2.47 billion." 

 

Rose was torn from her own thoughts at the sound of his voice and she frowned. "What?" She asked cautiously, unsure of what the number meant. 

 

"That's how many there were." He continued on, his tone the same and she felt his body tense again and she gripped onto him tighter, looking down at him in concern. 

 

"Children." He whispered thickly. "2.47 billion children...screaming, crying, begging for someone to save them..." His eyes closed and he started to quiver. "I can hear them, Rose...every one of them..." His voice broke with a quiet sob and Rose could feel her heart shattering. 

 

Not for what he'd done but because of how it made him feel, because of the amount of pain he was in. She couldn't even imagine what he went through and it broke her heart to know how tortured he was. 

 

"They're all gone...because of me..." 

 

"Doctor..." Her voice was soft but confident as she unwound their arms and instead reached to grab his hands in both of hers and squeezed tightly, ducking her neck to look at his face. "You did what you had to." 

 

He scoffed bitterly, his face scrunching up in disgust. "I thought if I said that to myself long enough I'd begin to believe it but all those people...my people...their blood is on my hands." 

 

Rose swallowed thickly, glancing down at their conjoined hands and tangled their fingers together before looking back up at him. "I don't know what happened...and I know you don't want to talk about it...but from where I'm standing...these hands..." She shifted her position so she was now kneeling beside him and lifted their hands and rested them over her chest and looked into his eyes. "They've done more good then they ever could do bad." 

 

He stared at her for a long moment and then sighed as he looked down, shaking his head. "Rose..." 

 

"No, listen to me..." She cut him off, bringing his attention back to her, his brow twitching slightly. "You had to make a decision...a very hard decision and I'm sorry..." With one hand she reached out to touch the side of his face, cupping his cheek and running her thumb gently over the circles under his eyes. "I'm so sorry that you have to suffer because of it." She shook her head slowly. "What you've done, Doctor...it does not define who you are. You are out there, every day, saving countless lives and planets because that's who you are. You're the Doctor...you heal...you don't destroy." 

 

The corners of his lips twitched up in a small, sad smile and his hand came up to rest over hers and he leaned into her touch. "Dear Rose...you are far too kind. What you've seen of me...it is merely a fraction...all that I've done, you don't know..." 

 

"I don't care." She cut him off again. "I don't care what you've done. I care what you're doing." 

 

"You wouldn't say that if you knew-" 

 

She quickly moved her other hand to the other side of his face, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "There is nothing you could say to me that would make me think any less of you." 

 

He stared back at her, his doubt written in those sad eyes and she gave him a small but convincing smile before leaning in to rest her forehead against his and she could hear his breath hitch. "Doctor...I mean it. Nothing." She whispered vehemently. "You're a good man...the best man I've ever known and I think the universe is lucky to have you." 

 

He was silent for a good minute or so - the room filled with nothing but the sound of their breathing. 

 

Then he slowly pulled away from her, her hands dropping to rest between them, and met her eyes. His expression was unreadable for a moment and then to her relief, a smile pulled at his lips, the pain in his eyes still evident but fading to the warmth she was more accustomed to seeing. 

 

She let out a breath as he lifted his hand, brushing a strand of hair away from her face and the back of his hand brushed ever so gently against her cheek. "Rose Tyler..." Her heart stuttered at the pure affection in his voice. "What would I be without you?" 

 

"Oh..."She breathed, a smile crossing her lips as a blush rose to her cheeks. "You'd be just fine without me..." 

 

His hand cupped her cheek and he looked seriously into her eyes. "No, I wouldn't. I...I was so broken when we met. You saved me, Rose and you continue to do so every day. You are, quite honestly, the best thing that could have happened to me." 

 

Rose stared at him, her eyes wide and heart pounding. It was the most he had ever opened up to her about his regard for her and she couldn't quite believe it was happening. She knew he cared for her but she never realized she meant that much to him. She had hoped, certainly, but she never imagined that she could mean so much to such a wonderful man. 

 

Her breath caught in her chest as he suddenly leaned in and pressed his lips tenderly against her forehead. Her eyes fluttered closed as he lingered there and she reveled in the feeling. He had done this before, pressed a quick kiss to her forehead when she did something clever but this was different. This was a tender kiss in a tender moment...and he was lingering. He never lingered and his hand still gently caressing her cheek only made it that much more tender. 

 

Her breath finally released slowly as he pulled back and when her eyes opened, her heart leapt at how close he was, how his eyes burned into hers with such a warm adoration, the smile on his lips just beginning to pull at the corners of his eyes. 

 

"Thank you." 

 

"For what?" She whispered. 

 

His smile widened. "For being brilliant ol' you." 

 

Her cheeks burned and a bright smile crossed her lips. "You're welcome." She murmured. 

 

He continued to smile at her and she even noticed the pain in his eyes slipping further away and to know she was the cause of that joy in him was the most wonderful feeling. 

 

"Now," He cleared his throat after a moment, finally pulling away from her as if he had just realized how close they were, "It must still be late for you, hm? Why don't you head back to bed?" 

 

Rose frowned. "I'm not tired." She insisted and he raised his brow knowingly. 

 

"Rose." 

 

She sighed. She sometimes hated how he could see right through her. 

 

"I'm fine, really. Besides.." She lifted her shoulders, "I...I don't want to leave you alone." 

 

Once again there was a flash of pain in his eyes before they softened and he gave her a rather unconvincing smile. "I'll be alright, Rose. You need to sleep." 

 

"I'm not leaving you." She told him forcefully. Despite the fact that he was trying to hide it he was still suffering and the thought of leaving him alone to his thoughts, to let him drift back into that state while she went off and slept...no, she refused. 

 

He stared back at her, brow raised and when she didn't relent, he nodded. "Alright - you sleep here then." 

 

She blinked and then her eyes widened slightly as he moved over, allowing her some room beside him. 

 

"What...sleep in your bed?" 

 

He nodded, a cute little smile forming on his lips as he pulled the covers down and then patted the empty space beside him. 

 

She took a few more seconds just to see if he actually meant it and at his awaiting eyes, she smiled and crawled beside him. 

 

His sheets were TARDIS blue and made of the same material hers were yet somehow they felt infinitely more comfortable. 

 

She ran her hands across the soft material and then glanced up at him, flushing under his warm gaze. 

 

"What?" She asked, biting on her lip softly. 

 

"Nothing." He whispered and then cleared his throat, shaking his head. "Nothing." Then he plopped himself down on his back and rolled over onto his side to face her. 

 

She stretched herself out underneath the blankets and then turned to face him. She let out a little, contented sigh, her eyes fluttering closed as soon as her head hit the pillow. It was a combination of its softness and the faint scent of him washing over her senses that put her mind and body in a pure state of bliss. 

 

When her eyes opened, her breath caught at how close together they were. Their noses were almost touching and if she wanted to she could count all the freckles that littered his cheeks but she was more focused on his eyes. His warm brown eyes staring back at her with such deep emotion; right on the surface there was amusement but beyond that there was so much more: affection, gratitude and that ever present sadness. 

 

He was looking at her like she was the best thing in the universe and right now, with him, she felt like it. 

 

Before she could even realize what she was doing, her hand once again found its way to his face and her knuckles softly brushed against his cheek. His eyes flickered down to her hand for a moment but he made no move to stop her, instead focusing his eyes back on hers. 

 

It was then that she noticed something else in his eyes, something she had not seen very often. Exhaustion. 

 

He told her he didn't need as much sleep as a human and she wasn't sure when the last time he slept was before tonight. He must have been tired to sleep at all and then to be woken up by that nightmare...

 

"You look tired." She whispered to him and she felt his jaw twitch under her touch and automatically there was a layer of pain in his eyes that had been hiding. 

 

"I'm alright." He insisted quietly. 

 

Her fingers slipped into his hair, brushing a few strands back that had fallen over his forehead and his eyelids fluttered before he forced them back open. 

 

"You should sleep too." 

 

He swallowed thickly. "Rose, I'm fine." 

 

She frowned and whispered sadly, "No you're not." She ran her fingers through his hair a few more times and then dropped her hand, reaching to find his. When she found it, she tangled their fingers together and brought it up to rest between them, curling her body in further toward him. "It's okay." She whispered. "I know the last thing you want to do is go back into that memory." 

 

Though he said nothing, his body tensing and his eyes fading back to fear was more than enough confirmation. 

 

"But you look so tired," She continued softly, "You need to sleep." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, bringing their hands to curl under her chin. "I've got you."

 

He stared back at her silently, clearly arguing with himself in his head, but soon enough his eyes started to blink sleepily. 

 

'"Get some sleep, Doctor. I'm not going anywhere." She assured him. "Not now. Not ever."

 

He let out a little sigh, his lips twitching slightly. "What did I ever do?" He wondered quietly and her brow twitched in a silent question and he continued, "To deserve you?" 

 

Her heart fluttered and she smiled warmly. "You didn't have to do anything...besides, I'm the lucky one." 

 

He smiled slightly and then moved in closer so their foreheads touched and both their eyes closed at the sensation of the other's touch. 

 

"You're too good for me." He whispered, his breath ghosting across her lips, sending a shiver down her spine. 

 

They were as close as they could get with her beneath the covers and him above and she could feel him slowly start to relax against her. 

 

She briefly wondered if he had meant to say for instead of to or if it was just his exhaustion talking. 

 

She wouldn't ask him about it - Lord knows he skated around however he felt for her and he seemed to finally be relaxed enough to fall asleep and she didn't dare ruin that for him. 

 

She brought their hands just a few centimeters higher and brushed her lips against the back of his hand. "Sleep well, my Doctor." 

 

His eyes fluttered opened briefly and she knew he was still fighting it, still afraid to fall prey to the darkness of his own mind and she wished more than anything she could take it all from him. 

 

She smiled at him, feeling her own exhaustion start to push at her but wanting to make sure he was going to sleep before she succumbed. 

 

He blinked at her and then smiled in return and he let out one, long sigh before his eyes closed again and he gripped at her hand. 

 

She squeezed his hand, her thumb brushing against the back of his hand, reassuring him that she was there. 

 

Her eyes closed and she could slowly feel herself start to drift off but she fought it off for just a little while longer. 

 

Then finally his hand relaxed within hers and she listened for his breathing, deep and even and she knew he had fallen asleep. 

 

She popped one eye open a sliver just to take in this rare moment. Despite his earlier torments and fears, he now looked completely at ease and relaxed, and there was even a hint of a smile on his lips. 

 

She smiled to herself, happy that he was finally able to get some peace and then closed her eyes, inched that much closer to him and drifted off.

 

That night both of them got the best nights sleep they had had in a very long time. 


End file.
